Really, without Ymelda’s infinite eels, the only protein on the island was SPAM and corned beef, and those cans were getting scarce. Some grew their own rice and taro, but there was never enough to go around.
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On our third date, Dan suggested we introduce our inner children into our sex lives. We were drinking whiskey on his uncomfortable sofa that was just two hard pieces coming together at a surprising angle.
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Patient X (#19-0157) began the MAiDCare-Natural protocol (10) days ago, as mandated by registered birthdate (aged 75 on 19 Jan), but at WellnessCheck-1 (today) has been found noncompliant with said protocol, and states that, “this is not [his] time to die.”
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Tweak makes you ambitious. You fire off paragraph-length texts to friends you haven’t seen in months. You have marathon online chats with guys you’d love to fuck but know will flake.
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Your mother always speaks of the scraps she got into as a girl the way other folks talk about Christmas. Nostalgic as she recalls waiting outside on some poor girl’s front porch, shoulders relaxed, light on her toes, fists ready to bloom.
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The first date is tits. You want to lay your head on them and put your dick between them and suckle at them like the cherry in a Shirley Temple. You don’t mind that my nails aren’t long enough to scratch.
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The Hibernation is mandatory. The Hibernation lasts the month of July. Outdoor air temperatures average 135 degrees Fahrenheit. People die. Especially people who are unfit.
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One rainy Tuesday morning, Mrs. Tsubaki farted loudly before her second-grade class. It happened during work time, and the room was stiller than usual.
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Of all the things the woman had done to decorate her dirt patch of a front yard there on Dunning Avenue, she was proudest of the glittery store-bought card she’d taped to the plastic burro’s nose.
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After the daughter’s fourth miscarriage, her mother flies across the country to introduce her to the ancestors, the ones whose bones rest somewhere in the hills of deep Mexico. She thinks she is ready, but she is not. Nothing has prepared her for this.
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Welcome to Snooze™. I am Ura, your trusted sleep guide. For this session, I will ferry you to a warm place where sleep awaits you. Though your bones are tired and your body weary, they are worthy of rest.
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They agreed. They agreed not to say “I love you” anymore. He slapped the flaccid slice of pizza on the top of the overstuffed garbage.
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Episode 4.01: Surprise Surprise
As Nana’s birthday approaches, Taylor seeks out a replacement gift when he learns that both he and Jason have gotten her copies of her favorite novel, Wuthering Heights. Meanwhile, Alice gets into a fight with her older sister Martha after Martha tells her she isn’t responsible enough to keep a pet.
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Every driver—including my cousin Chup-boy here—is in a panic. Two five-gallon, white paint buckets rolling in the left lane on Knollwood exploded out every way like ink blot central.
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(hope it is ok I’m typing up here, but I’d exceeded the characters in the relationship to mother box) so to get back to the question, Piper and me meet Mom one Sunday a month at the waterpark in Marina Cove now.
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When our tía wasn’t pat-pat-patting masa to make sopes, or when she wasn’t zapateando, her heels ta-tapping and za-zazzing! on the kitchen floor (a luxury of living on the ground floor, no one to complain other than maybe mole people), or when she wasn’t at church praying for Doña This’s health or for Doña That’s daughter to come to her senses and leave that bueno para nada, desgraciado, cholo of a boyfriend of hers—when she wasn’t doing any of that, our tía was at our house, watching the latest episode of Teresa with us, helping our mom cook pozole or tamales or enchiladas, threading conspiracy theories into our heads.
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Shin started raising a flock of Jian birds in the backyard three months ago after he got laid off. He changes their water and feed every morning before I wake, and by the time I’ve dragged myself out of bed, he’s sitting by the window with a plate of sunflower seeds, splitting them open and discarding the shells in a neat pile on a napkin and popping the seed meat into his mouth while watching the Jian attempt to fly.
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That winter, my girlfriend Nora dislocated her shoulder stripping in a pole fitness class. We celebrated Martin Luther King Jr. Day by driving to a hot spring just across the border in Idaho. On the way, we told elk stories.
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Then Tuesday I found out where the coyotes were coming from. Our neighbor Amina trapped me on Hillhurst and whispered it—the guy on the corner was feeding them cut-up hot dogs.
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A lady with a touchscreen tablet makes her way up and down the line. “Are you here for an upgrade?” she asks.
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