Just One Thing with Lia Hagen

Lia Hagen’s memoir “What We Broke” reflects on a flooded memory—her first memory—and all that happens after. Here, she shares just one thing about the piece: 

Since I was a kid, I've had an easy "fun fact" for every icebreaker game: I have 12 siblings. Wherever I am, the room erupts in questions. Are they all blood relatives? (Yes, though some are my mom's, some are my dad's, and some are lucky enough to have inherited both of their issues). Were we super religious? (Not at all, though I went to Catholic school). Is that normal in Nebraska? (No. Even in the country, people were surprised). Sometimes, in writing communities, they add another question: What do they think of your work?

It's a complicated answer. All thirteen of us were raised in an abusive environment, but we've coped with that in thirteen different ways. In my piece What We Broke, I reflect on fractured memories of the sexual abuse I experienced as a toddler. I was not the only victim, but I did not discuss the molestation with my older sisters until we were teenagers and adults. Since then, they've celebrated my decision to write about our abuse. I was the youngest child assaulted by my brothers, and the information was not passed on to the four siblings born after me. This piece introduces them to our old farmhouse with its sagging outbuildings. It peels up the soggy carpet of our flooded basement and reveals the concrete beneath. Hopefully, it helps them understand the strange silences in our loud, crowded house.

A few years ago, one of the brothers who'd molested me sought to make amends. He, too, had been abused. When he reached out, I sent him excerpts from this piece. He thanked me for allowing him to read them. After a long call, I accepted his apology. I don't claim to speak for my siblings, but they've never tried to stop me from speaking. I hope I have done our stories justice.