Holidays with the FAM, Part 3

We conclude our celebration of our Split Lip FAM by rounding out the FAMsgiving guest list. The question is:

If we had a FAM Thanksgiving, what role would you play that day and what would you bring?

The answers are a reminder that we wouldn’t trade our FAM for anything.

Amorak Huey – “Fifteen Letters to the 56th-Best Rock Song of All Time”

I love Thanksgiving! Best meal of the year. My role would be to tell stories that require a bit too much background and context to be meaningful to anyone else and to know just enough about the NFL to talk pedantically about the football games no one else is really watching. Also I’m happy to mash the potatoes.

I would bring a library of videos on my phone—trendy memes, Saturday Night Live clips, Colbert monologue excerpts, etc.—and express shock when anyone hasn't seen them, immediately calling people over to watch: “Oh, it’s so perfect, you’ve got to see this!” Downloading would take slightly too long over the crappy wifi but I’d still show every video to anyone who doesn’t wander off quickly enough to escape.

Happy Turkey Day!

Michael Meyerhofer – “The Conversationalist”

My role at Thanksgiving celebrations often mirrors my role at office parties: I wander around the periphery doing odd tasks, inspecting potted plants, and making faces at children. If somebody needs a jar opened, or has a random question about the Civil War or the behavior of quarks, I swoop in, do my thing, then promptly blush and run away again. After dinner, I’d volunteer to help with dishes so that I could hang out around the kitchen and pay attention to what the old women are saying, since they’re always the best source for wisdom as well as gossip.

Shasta Grant – “Remember That”

I’d play the role of the annoying vegetarian that everyone wishes would shut the hell up and just eat a little bit of turkey. I’d bring a lentil loaf with mushroom gravy that nobody but me eats. And I’d be that person asking what, exactly, is in each dish (“did you use chicken stock in those mashed potatoes?”). I’d roll my eyes when someone suggests we go around the room and say one thing we’re thankful for but by the end, I’m the one dabbing tears from my eyes.